At holiday parties, you don't dare to double-dip

By Jamie Stengle / The Associated Press

DALLAS - The arrival of the holiday season conjures up thoughts of joyous gatherings of family and friends, sparkling lights and the exchange of gifts.

The swirl of holiday parties, however, also creates the setting for public gaffes and awkward situations.

What do you do, for example, if a friend gives you a thoughtful present but you are empty-handed? A Plano woman volunteers her help.

"Graciously say, 'Thank you,' " Joy Weaver says.

Don't make the scene worse by going overboard with apologies, Weaver says. Instead, follow up later with a nice note -- and a gift. Or plan ahead and keep a trove of generic gifts on hand.

It's the job of Weaver, as founder of a business called Protocol Enterprises, to guide clients through the often confusing world of etiquette.

At any time of year, people commit social errors without even realizing it, Weaver said. Then there is the holiday season.

"We need more etiquette because are there so many more social events. There are so many more business events going on during the holidays," Weaver said.

"Everyone wants to have confidence when they go into social situations," she said. "When you are informed, you feel more confident. You're more refined; you're more polished."

Attending a holiday party? "Always, always, you should take a gift," she said.

Weaver charges $250 per person for the first five people in each class or $175 per person for larger groups. She recently addressed an attentive gathering of the women's division of the Greater Irving-Las Colinas Chamber of Commerce.

Several tips resonated with attendee Sharon Johnston, including the advice never to give a hostess a gift without attaching a card. That way, Weaver explained, the hostess will know whom to thank.

Johnston recently gave a dinner party for 25 and had to remember who gave what. "No one brought a tag."

Johnston, who gets 10 to 15 invitations each holiday season, said she would like to spread the word on Weaver's etiquette tips. "It's the nonthinking."

That includes a dreaded holiday faux pas that seems to occur whenever dips are served with chips or crackers: the double dip.

While Weaver laughingly suggests posting a "No Double Dipping" sign near dips, she begrudgingly acknowledges, "There's no way that you can prevent double dipping except what we did today -- word of mouth."

Also, Weaver said, it's important to remember moderation during the holidays.

"Moderation is the key in drinking, dressing, eating, gift giving," said Weaver, who anticipates giving about a dozen holiday etiquette sessions this season.

Morgan Williams, 14, of Plano, joined a group of participants ages 11-15 and took part in one of Weaver's etiquette sessions.

His mother, Lisa Williams, organized the event.

"I think every child there was hesitant to go," Williams said. But she said that when it was over, the participants remembered everything they'd learned and said it wasn't so bad.

Morgan Williams learned not only the proper way to clap but also what to do with all those utensils at fancy dinners.

And with Christmas dinner and a New Year's Eve party coming up, he can put his knowledge to use.

"I feel more prepared," he said, "so I won't look like an idiot."

A look at the top 10 holiday faux pas, as compiled by etiquette expert Joy Weaver:

• Making excuses when surprised by a gift: People make the situation worse when they make excuses or go overboard with apologies because they don't have a gift to exchange. Just say thank you and follow up with a nice note. You can always send a gift later. A wise move, though, is to be prepared and have generic gifts on hand.

• Married couples signing holiday cards with the husband's name first: The husband's first name should not be separated from his last name. Many people think the husband's name should go first, as in John and Lisa Smith, but the correct way for married couples to write their name is Lisa and John Smith.

• Sneezing into your social hand: Your right hand is your social hand. You shake hands, pick up utensils and finger foods with your right hand. No one wants to shake hands with someone who has just coughed into this hand.

• Asking someone why he or she is not drinking: People say no to cocktails for many reasons, often personal ones. There is no reason to put someone on the spot.

• Waiting until the last minute to RSVP: It creates the impression that you are holding out for something better and makes it more difficult for the hostess to plan for the party.

• Forgetting to attach a card to a hostess gift: Always take a hostess gift to a party with an attached card that has your name on it so the hostess will know who brought the gift.

• Double dipping: Not only is it rude, but it can also be a health hazard to dip again after you have taken a bite of the food.

• Not standing when being introduced: It is respectful to stand, whenever possible, when being introduced to adults.

•  Leaving a holiday party and telling the host you have to go to another party: Thank the host for inviting you and for a wonderful time, then wish him or her a happy holiday season.

• Thinking everyone loves your pet as much as you do: Many people are allergic to pets and do not want them hanging around at a holiday party.

ONLINE: www.protocolexpert.com