Etiquette: More than just table manners

By SHAWN FLOYD , Staff writer
05/19/2003

This week is National Etiquette Week and in case you didn't know it, etiquette these days is more than knowing how to hold your teacup.

In Julie Lorentz'sMiss Julie's School of Manners in McKinney, etiquette is all about children, from kindergarten through third grade, learning what's proper now and what was considered proper in Victorian times.

"I will pass around fans and tell the children how people in Victorian times had a language with the fans, and how the women would send signals with the fans to the gentlemen," said Lorentz, a John Robert Powers graduate.

The other subject that's covered is introductions.

"The first day of class I teach the children how to introduce their mothers," Lorentz said. "When their mothers come to pick them up after class, I have the children introduce them to the others and half the time the mothers will cry because they can't believe their child can do that."

The course is taught through the Collin County Historical Society at the Collin County History Museum in McKinney. There are 10 weekly summer sessions, beginning June 2 and ending Aug. 15, with morning and afternoon classes available. Classes are limited to 10 girls and there's a special rate for sisters taking the classes together. For information, go to www.collincountyhistory.org or call 972-540-1314.

On the second day of class, Lorentz brings in china, crystal, and stemware so the children can learn about proper table settings. She said even though people in Texas are more likely to use paper products at parties than where she lived before in North Carolina, she still believes the children need to know.

Though she's well-versed in what to do when, and that "manners are to make other people comfortable," she said it can sometimes work against her. She said sometimes when others find out that she teaches etiquette, they are uncomfortable.

"It makes some people very self-conscious," she said. "One man at a church dinner got up and took his plate and sat at another table.

"When people ask me what I do, I say to them, 'I'll make a deal with you. I won't watch you if you won't watch me.' "

Joy Weaver, Plano's resident etiquette expert, has never had that experience, although she said she does get teased at family dinners. The rest of the time, Weaver, owner of Protocol Enterprises Inc., said, "I get comments like, 'Wow, that's an interesting job, that's wonderful, the world needs more etiquette and more manners.'

"And then," she added, "that goes into even more questions, like, how did you start, where did you study."

Weaver has studied etiquette at the Protocol School of Washington, D.C., and also through the Letitia Baldrige business etiquette program. She said she got into it because she "saw a great need for it when I was in the corporate world and I knew that it would work.

"And I was right," she said. "I was definitely right."

Now Weaver teaches etiquette in private and group settings to just about anyone of any age, from teens to corporate executives. Her Web site is www.protocolexpert.com.

Weaver's business classes tend to focus on introductions, business meetings, and conversation and listening skills. But then, there's also a segment tailored for telephone and cell phone users, including what do to about "cell yell" and how to communicate more effectively.

Weaver is flexible and when the need arises to educate others on interviewing etiquette, she's right there with a top 10 list.

Heading the list is do not be late for an interview. After that, it's the handshake that counts, and Weaver said it must not be too wimpy or too "bone crushingly" firm.

Being rude to the receptionist and talking too much are also taboos.

There is also a section on dress.

"Clothes help make your first impression," said Weaver. "Simple and conservative dress is always best. Sexy is not appropriate and tattoos should be covered, by all means. Long hair on men should be cut or pulled back. And cleavage...if you can look down and see it, so can everyone else."

At work, she said it's important to remember to "dress conservatively. You are there to work. Sexy is not appropriate at the office.

"Just because it's trendy doesn't mean it's acceptable office attire," she said.

This time of year, wedding etiquette is another popular topic on the manners circuit. Of course, we all know how important it is to send thank you notes, or to properly respond to an invitation. And then, there's the one about not wearing white to the wedding unless you're the bride.

But what about the one where it's considered rude to bring a gift to the wedding? Weaver said to send the gift to the couple ahead of time or after the wedding. And then there's the one about making the wrong acknowledgement.

There it is right there in Weaver's Top Ten Wedding Faux Pas list. "Telling the bride congratulations is like saying to her you finally found a husband. It is appropriate to greet the bride with best wishes and the groom with congratulations."

The worst of it all, tardiness, is sure to get you the wrong kind of attention.

"Don't be late," she said. "Walking in while the wedding ceremony is being held is an absolute embarrassment to everyone."

For some that's enough. But then, there are those who don't know any better. Should they be held accountable?

"If you don't know better, how can you do better. Etiquette is a lot of common sense, but you have to know about it," said Weaver, who acknowledged proper etiquette is on the way back.

"By all indications, manners are on the move," she said. "In the '60s, people were lax about it. It was more of a peace, love, and rock 'n' roll era. In the '70s it started to snowball because people didn't know and couldn't pass it on.

"But now," she said, "it's coming back."

Contact Shawn Floyd at 972-398-4267 or at floyds@starcntexas.com.

©Plano Star Courier 2003